I recently read Choose Yourself by James Altucher, and it is one of my all-time favorite books because of the message he sends and the way he delivers it. There is a portion of the book where he gets pretty raw and talks about getting off the floor, or being at bottom, and this is at the beginning of the book because it needs to be addressed immediately.
I'm going to be pretty honest with you: I HAVE BEEN THERE.
Before I became the much more confident person I am today, I went through a pretty rough patch. We'll call it a major quarter-life crisis. I had been laid off from a job I loved (Thanks a lot, 2008 recession!), and I'd moved halfway across the country to a city where I knew no one except my boyfriend at the time. Now, while this ended up being a great move for me, it was initially insanely lonely. My boyfriend and I were Fire and Ice: sounds great and exciting in theory... but in reality, they just don't "mesh well". I had found a new job, but it was full of bullies and people with toxic energy, and I didn't enjoy the work. To top it off, I had body image issues up the wazoo that I thought I'd dealt with but that I realized were still lingering on. I was lonely... and I was devastatingly depressed and angry. All of the time.
So one day, I slumped to the floor in my bathroom (gross), and I didn't get up for about 72 hours. I didn't eat. I maybe had a glass of water, from a dingy glass that had been in the bathroom for a month. (Also gross.) I had let everyone tell me what I should do, and how I should do it, and who I was or was expected to be as a person for SO LONG that I sank under the weight of everyone's expectations. I didn't even know myself anymore, or what I even wanted for myself. It was like that part in Eat, Pray, Love where Elizabeth Gilbert says "I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”
I literally wanted to move away where no one would know me and my story could start over. This was a pretty huge "woe is me" moment. It was also when I finally realized that I had to learn how to care for and heal myself.
I'm telling you this because you need to know that if this is where you are - at bottom, on the floor - I HAVE BEEN THERE. You are not alone. And there is an important message for you here...
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE YOURSELF.
I'm giving you the green light to be a little bit selfish (in a GOOD way)! You have to choose to move forward. Choose to get up. Choose to treat yourself AND everyone else around you like the amazing people you/they are. Choose to do one thing today that will get you out of your rut. Then tomorrow, do two things. Just do one thing at a time and the change will happen. But you have to choose to make healing yourself, being the BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF NON-NEGOTIABLE, because you are really, truly the only one that can help yourself. And in being the best version of yourself, that is when you'll really impact other people in an amazing, inspiring way just by being you.