Confession: I went through a deep, spiritual depression this summer.
It was awful. It hurt... And I was on my knees, praying to feel like my loving, happy self again many times.
I asked over and over for God to please help me see where this came from and how to get back to feeling peaceful, excited, lit up! Please help me let this Go!
This stemmed from one thing:
Denying my true, spiritual self.
When I'm not being true to who I am and how I'm meant to serve, I feel fucking awful. My creativity went out the door. Money flow stopped. And my relationships suffered because I was suffering.
I denied my soul's calling, my true self.
I disowned parts of myself to please others, to keep others feeling safe, and to keep myself feeling a false sense of love...
So the depression sunk in. It was deep, and it hurt, and it was almost like grieving...
Grieving a loss of self.
Grieving a loss of purpose.
Grieving the loss of that "I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and do my thang!" feeling.
But when I recognized what was happening and I allowed myself to accept myself and Be myself...
Everything opened back up.
- I now feel light, open, enthusiastic, accepting, loving, grateful.
- My creative juices flow.
- I do more out of service, and I do it in a way that lights me up.
- My energy expands and flows and elevates.
- I get shit done!
- I attract money and sell more of my aligned offerings.
- I bounce or of bed in the morning.
- And I fall asleep feeling happy and grateful.
Your purpose is to be who you are and to be happy being that person.
Accept yourself. Embrace yourself. Love yourself where you're at.
And notice how everything shifts when you do.
This acceptance of SELF is what allowed me to exit this depression.
When I honored myself, and my emotions, instead of making them wrong, I was able to finally start to face the root problem.
Honoring my emotions, was part 1 of the equation. Allowing myself to grieve, to cry, to feel despair, to be angry - it was all part of the healing process. If I'd stuffed those emotions down, I would have only band-aided a deep wound. I would have denied more of myself by making it unsafe to express or to feel what I felt.
After that, I realized that feeling my own anger and devastation allowed me to see what beliefs or paradigms needed to be healed, because my thoughts and judgments came up for questioning. I became aware finally of what really had caused me to spiral into this depression.
I then began to witness my thoughts with love and curiosity, instead of judgment, because I decided:
These thoughts and beliefs mean Nothing about me.
They do not define me.
They are not Me.
They are simply an experience I'm having right now.
This was totally liberating, and it is still something I practice continuously. I won't even pretend that I'm "done" with this inner work, which I consider soul, spiritual, mental, emotional work.
From there, I began to shift the paradigms and belief systems that caused this depression in the first place.
You see, when I began to Feel the depths of this depression, I began to see clearly what was causing it. I wasn't afraid to open the floodgates, to "swamp" as Regena Thomashauer would call it. I allowed myself to embrace this emotional upheaval, trusting that it would HEAL ME.
Because I allowed myself this experience, this spiritual and human experience, I grounded myself in my humanity again, and I welcomed what I needed most of all:
EVOLUTION + EXPANSION OF MY SOUL.
You see, without this, I would not have had the experience I needed to have, to grow or to expand, to shift my beliefs, and to end the ages old story I'd told myself over and over again my whole damn life:
.... When I shine, stand out, speak my truth, share my message... The people around me get hurt. I get hurt. And I lose people I love.
You know what?
I didn't Lose anyone.
No one can ever be lost.
Love will always bind us.
But what I did begin to Lose...
Was myself. My true self.
My self that had bounced out of bed with love and enthusiasm everyday.
My self that had believed in a vision, in a mission, in a message bigger than her.
My self that had wondered at the world, that had felt curious, and in awe, and inspired, and awake.
My self that knew she had a purpose.
That self shut down when I allowed other people to tell me who I was.
When I allowed myself to believe them.
When I allowed myself to shrink away from my spirituality, from my core beliefs, from the curiosity and wonder, and openness that fueled my soul and sustained my self love and love of the entire fucking world.
I believed the bullshit.
It was ME.
I brought on this depression.
Because I forgot who I am and what I'm here to Be.
Pure, funny, loving, life-giving, excited, creative, sensual, pleasurable, fun-loving, spiritual, emotional, exhilarated, strategic, supportive, expansive ME.
When I came to, and I realized that there is Nothing wrong with me, and so much Right about me - which is what I feel about all of Us...
My depression lifted.
You see, I went through this experience, so I could help women like you, who are spiritual, and logical, and strategic, and soulful, and heart-centered, and loving, and creative, and everything in between...
Embrace Who You Are.
My greatest wish for us all is that we Embrace our unique and powerful Lives.
We LIVE our grand adventures.
We laugh and love on the way.
And we love and accept ourselves and each other, despite each other's differences of belief, look, sexual orientation, religion, political view, thought, and opinion.
This is how we heal.
If you need a thought partner, an emotional wingwoman, a guide and mentor on your spiritual and entrepreneurial journey as you expand into your truest self...
Book a free coffee and connection call (or a Soul Chat) and let's talk about what it might look like to have consistent support, accountability, and transformative guidance. I offer private 1:1 coaching, blending mindset work, deep dive coaching, meditation counceling, energy work, and spiritual transformation to help you align your purpose with passion, along with soulful business strategy, if desired.