Don't ignore or shove away your feelings:
They're you're spiritual GPS.
I've had a raw, and real summer.
Many of you don't know this, but I actually went through a very deep depression for a little bit. It was hard, but it happened for a reason, as everything does. There were moments I woke up mourning... mourning my stepping out of being my true self, mourning how this was affecting my family, mourning how it affected my business.
I mean, I'm an intuitive mindset and business coach... I help people with their minds, their emotions, their sense of self, and bring it all into helping them become greater business owners who lead and create with heart, impact and soul...
I felt like a total FRAUD by going through this depression!
And it was all brought on because I was DENYING who and what I really am.
Listen, your purpose is to be YOU, and be happy being you.
When we disown our truest self, is when we experience the depths of depression, anxiety, grief, shame.
The world feels devoid of light and of life, because we aren't being real and accepting ourselves where we are.
It's like an act of violence on the soul, to disown our true selves, our true calling, our true passions and purpose.
It HURT my heart, more than the time my boyfriend broke up with me while I was NAKED. Ouch.
We've all done it.
Believe me, I wanted to spiritually bypass my feelings and fast forward to the good part of the story where I could say that I overcame it and it was done and all's good in the hood.
I wanted desperately to get back to being my happy, lit up, inspired, productive self.
I asked my coach, "When will I just feel like ME again?!"
My heart said, "LISTEN UP, ALLISON. You need to see this and honor this new depth. You need to heal this after you've faced it and cried the ugly cries. Then you need to heal... And grow from it, you will."
It was like Yoda shook me by the shoulders and said,
"Deal with this, you must. Grow from it, you will."
So I sank in... and I went about the experience of "swamping" - coined by Regina Thomashour, author of Pussy: A Reclamation.
I cried, like big, ugly, face-down on the couch cries.
I felt sorry for myself, and I asked "Why?"
I experienced the darker aspects of myself - the jealousy of my friends and other entrepreneurs who surely weren't and couldn't have experienced this, the anger at myself for letting this "happen to me", the sadness of feeling like I couldn't be safe anywhere, or at home in my own skin, in my own life... The grieving of decisions I'd made, and the fierce, fierce urge to disown my responsibility for my part in my depression.
I opened up to my mentor and cried through the phone, spilling my guts and telling her how badly I wanted to move through this phase.
Then I started to lay into the self care, hoping to move past it after the grief began to dissipate and the sense that I was rising out of those ashes finally settled in. I started to cover my self-inflicted wounds and let them heal.
- I took epsom salt baths, with floral essences, and essential oils, and crystals lining the tub.
- I meditated and tried kundalini yoga. Sometimes... I meditated several times per day. Hoping for a divine message, an image, a shift in how I felt... and sometimes, I felt more at peace.
- I whipped out my oracle cards and my pendulum, hoping for clear answers, but everything felt muddy. I couldn't trust any of it.
- I dropped to my knees and prayed, everyday.
- I even wrote letters to God, and got responses back from The Universe that were loving, and beautiful, and all... but they didn't cure me of this grief.
- I journaled day and night, and listened to podcasts to inspire me to get back into action. Secretly, I was searching for words of wisdom to help me solve this puzzle. I wanted desperately to hear from the gurus and experts and teachers on these podcasts... Are you like me? Have you been where I am? Do you understand me? Is there going to be a fix, a light at the end of this tunnel?
- I walked for hours and spent weekends in the mountains, hoping the change of scenery would pull me out of the muddier days.
- I read inspiring books (over and over), and then looked for gurus and shamans and energy workers and any source of light I could find.
- I explored possible therapists, courses, and even thought about throwing myself head-first into a yoga teacher certification.
- I even wrote another book, then realized it was crap on a stick ... or well, that at least, it needed to sit and cook a little while longer.
- I asked my guides for help - and got a busy signal.
It was clear... this I really had to experience on my own, and come out of it when I was ready, on my own.
I looked for every possible doorway back to Love, back home to myself.
But the solution wasn't outside of me.
All of it.
Face it and accept it all.
The dark and the light. The love and the fear. The pain and the pleasure. The desires and the regret. The jealousy and the empowerment. The wanting to do it alone, and the craving to have friends to lean on in the middle of it.
I felt it, and I dealt with it.
The dark. The Pain. The Purpose in it. The moments of Peace, and the moments I couldn't remember what Peace had ever felt like. The Cause of it. The shame, anger, and sense of self I was denying. The truths about myself that I'd shoved aside... The ways I'd let my Ego destroy relationships, and trust, and loyalty.
I let it all sink in, and I swam in it... Until I was done treading water and ready to come back to shore.
I grew from it because I realized something...
It is NOT spiritual to shove your feelings aside.
It's not authentic to feign happiness and ease when you're gasping for air, wondering where your marbles are.
It's not spiritual to disown yourself, or to let other people shame you for your beliefs.
It's not spiritual to want so much peace, that you ignore the war out on your doorstep.
It's not wrong to be HUMAN in this spiritual experience.
And those deeper, heavier, yet oh sooooo delicious and HUMAN emotions? Sadness... Grief... Fear... Anger... Resent... Stuckness... Did I mention, Shame and Blame?
The hours I spent swimming in those emotions revealed where I needed to grow and to heal, and I ended up EXPANDING because I felt and dealt with my shit.
And I returned to peace and to Love again, to harnessing my intuition, to feeling lit up and inspired, to remembering one of my FAVORITE qualities in myself and in humans:
The ability to ADAPT.
This experience, this spiritual and human depression, evolved into a new way I can serve the world because I now know more than I would have had I shoved the depths of depression aside.
New spiritual and emotional and human depths...
New ways of living and thriving and loving others while leading in my own life.
What you FEEL - the pain, shame, blame, anger, resent, regret, sadness, longing, jealousy, lack, loss, grief, despair....
It shows you what needs to CHANGE.
In yourself and in your life.
Honoring your FEELINGS sets your compass to always point to your True North.
It's only from swimming in the depths of ourselves spiritually, accepting our feelings, not making them wrong, that we emerge from the water cleansed and free to fill back up with peace.
Aligned Action.True North.
A new plan, a soulful blueprint emerges and begs to bring you home.
Walk the path, feel the stuff, and make the choices.
Take the actions.
Then take ownership of them.
Feeling and experiencing all of life's adventures the whole way.
Allow yourself the grace to Feel.
That is why you're here on earth in this life...
To be the spiritual being,Having a human experience.
With everything that comes with it.
I'm proud to say that I had this experience, because I came out of it more greatly equipped to serve YOU.
If you're curious about what it might be like to work together to help you feel like your expanding and thriving - mind, body, and soul...
THE SPIRITUAL BUSINESS OWNER MASTERMIND IS COMING....
This is for the woman who is ready to OWN IT. Herself. Her voice. Her choices. Her spiritual mission. Her service to the world. Her service to herself.
This is for the woman ready to rise from the ashes...
The Phoenix is Rising.
And it's far more comfortable, and faster... when you've got spiritual, strategic, and emotional wingwomen with you as you rise and do what you haven't done before.
If you're looking for your PEEPS, who GET YOU, I'm opening soon, a Small Group Spiritual Business Owner/Creator/Visionary/Change-Maker Experience this Fall.
This 3-month experience is for no more than 6 women who are ready to evolve and expand, mind, body, soul, and to bring to life a new way of serving the world while changing their circumstances. It's your place to feel supported in all ways - emotionally, spiritually, strategically.
This will blend group coaching and discussions, with private mentorship 1:1, as well as energy work like Reiki, with intuitive insights from me provided to you during our sessions.
I'm here for you if you are ready to work toward greater impact, income and self love, with love and leadership.
***I also have 1:1 coaching spots available for the woman who's ready to make those big shifts, and I also provide Intensives.
Private AND Group support has helped me - whether it was as spiritual coach, a business coach, or a life coach, or a therapist.
Go with your gut, and don't go through the big shifts and changes, the major moves you want to make in life, on your own.
It's your adventure! Embrace it and Live it!